Holding onto a Dream
by Sanru
Summary: Dedicated to CharmyPI-5 the VIII. "Don't think about the future," his older brother whispered in his ear. "Don't dwell on the past. Live in the moment, Don. Enjoy the dream for what it is. And when it's gone, hold onto that dream and enjoy all the memories that it gave and the lessons it taught so you don't ever forget him as he is."


Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Yadda. Yadda

Author Note: This is dedicated to CharmyPI-5 the VIII because this is technically all her fault in the first place :D

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><p>Holding onto a Dream<p>

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><p>The coffee pot continued to gurgle happily in its appointed task, heedless of the barely awake humanoid terrapin leaning partially hunched over the counter, bracing itself up with both hands as it hovered over the machine that herald the arrival of liquid caffeine. The turtle's head was only a few inches for the top of the machine as if the vapors alone would help to revive him.<p>

Donatello was not and never claimed to be a morning turtle. It was always a struggle for him to go to bed and even more so to get out of bed. When his mind finally slowed down enough for him to get some sleep it was a momentous occasion but the restart was killer. It was like fighting all three of his brothers at once and he was pretty sure that if it wasn't for coffee he would spend most of the day in a stupor before his brain finally kicked into gear on its own. By then half the day would be gone and all those opportunities that he could have had would be lost forever to Father Time.

That was another thing Don hated about mornings. His brain was so disoriented, jumping from one thought to the next as if it was a slow motion train wreck. Half thought out projects, physics equations, trying to figure out just what smelled like old gym socks in the kitchen now, and strange bits of random insights were all vying for his attention. It was just too early for this craziness.

A soft chuckle came from behind him. "Morning Donnie," Leo sounded both way too awake and way too happy for it barely being eight in the morning. He gave his older brother a halfhearted middle finger as all the threads of thought in his mind aligned long enough to agree the Leo was a dick first thing in the morning and to hate him for being the only morning turtle in the room at the moment.

"Morning Raph!" The other morning turtle had apparently decided to risk his life to wake the abomination known as Raphael. Whereas he was just slow and unable to process everything first thing in the morning, his other older brother's infamous temper was expounded on by several thousand points. Donnie befuddled mind gave Mikey on the inside of five minutes before he would be running for his life.

"You'd think that he would've learned by now."

"Mmmm," Donatello agreed as his oldest brother attempted to engage him in small talk.

"You aren't awake yet, are you?" Leo asked as he pushed down the lever on the toaster. Don could hear the smile in his voice. It was annoying.

Twenty three snappy comebacks popped into his mind but only another agreeable noise escaped him. "Mm-hm."

"You know you would be more awake if you actually went to bed at a decent hour."

"Mm-hm."

"It would probably make you less dependent on coffee too."

"Mm-hm."

The toaster popped, "You are going to eat something other than coffee before morning training, right?"

"Mm-hm," he knew where this conversation was going.

There was silence for a moment except for the scrapping of butter knife over toast and the distant sound of Mikey trying to bait Raph out of bed. A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his hunch position and pushed him against the counter. He made a disagreeable noise this time. His face was no longer bathing in the vapors of the roasted beans that promised to wake him up. A piece of buttered wheat toast was pressed in his hand as he slumped with his shell against the counter.

"Eat," Leo said in a tone that meant he wouldn't take no with any grace. Donatello sighed and bit into his buttered toast. It wasn't coffee but it was something and that alone made his stomach a tiny bit happier.

His older brother turned his attention to the other piece of toast which Don knew he would soon be handed as well. Ever since he was old enough to work a toaster, Leo always made sure that his littler brothers had something to eat, even if he wasn't the best cook when it came to certain dishes. Leonardo was simply amazing at stir frying but asking him to roast anything meant taking your life into your own hands.

Don's half-awake mind started a new train of thought. He still hadn't figured out how Leo had one time turned their completely ordinary oven into a partially cooked, flaming turkey canon. That had definitely been one memorable Thanksgiving. It wasn't every day the fiery carcass of a bird was launched across the living room to slap against the far wall. Mikey still made flying flaming turkey references every year since that momentous occasion.

As he ate his toast and his mind replayed the resulting chaos of a fully dressed Thanksgiving turkey being shot across the living room with various other interjections from all the other threads spooling about in his mind, Donatello's eyes played about the living room looking about for something of interest. The paper doors on the far side of the room next to the dojo with the black lines that denoted bamboo caught his attention. Suddenly, all trains of thought in his mind stopped, as a single new one started.

_He's not going to be around forever._

The toast he was about to take a bite of was suddenly irrelevant as he stared at the door from across the room. It was true enough. Master Splinter was getting up there in years and his body was beginning to show it. On average a rat only lived two to five years and it was probably only thanks to the mutagen that originally changed them that he was even still alive.

It was only a few weeks ago that their sensei had been battling with pneumonia and even then Don had caught him muffling a bad cough on more than one occasion of late. While it hadn't been life threatening, it was hard to see his father so weak from the fever and all that coughing. There had been times when their Father had been too exhausted to even get out of bed. It had been a high risk to go get the more powerful medication but Don was glad that Raph had done it even if he hadn't told anyone what he was about to do. It had helped to ease their Father's pain significantly.

However, it was a predecessor of what was to come. As their Father's body aged it was going to grow weaker and frailer. Don's mind flashed back over the last several months. Their Father had been using his cane more often for its intended purpose and not as a tool or weapon. He wasn't participating in practice as often, preferring to coach and teach from the sidelines instead of showing them a new move or to give them a physical example. He was even going to bed earlier and sleeping longer.

"Okay sleepyhead, eat th-" Leonardo paused mid-sentence as he noticed his younger brother's thousand mile stare. "Don, are you alright?" he asked concerned.

Don heard him but didn't answer him anymore than lowering his partially eaten piece of toast slightly as he continued to think about his Father's health and how it was going to keep deteriorating. Unfortunately, as the closest thing that his family had to a medical practitioner, Don knew he was going to get a front row seat to watching Master Splinter lose the battle against time. He had no problem with being the medic in the family but the thought of watching his Father grow old and being unable to stop him from aging –only able to ease his pain in certain situations- suddenly terrified him.

"Don." The commanding tone in his older brother's voice had Don turning to look at Leo who was regarding him with a clinical eye. "Are you alright?" he asked evenly despite the worry that was evident in his eyes.

He wanted to say something, anything to gain reassurance from his older brother but he couldn't seem to formulate what he wanted to say in words. The coffee pot was gurgling next to him, signaling that it was almost ready to help him face the new day but Don didn't think he was ready to face the harsh truth he suddenly found himself faced with. He didn't want to even postulate how he was going to react when their Father finally left especially because he knew that there would be no way for him to stop it or fix it. There was nothing he was going to be able to do but watch.

He watched as his older brother's eyes narrowed slightly before looking across the lair, obviously seeking whatever it was that had unsettled him so much. It suddenly occurred to Don that Leo had been gearing up for this ever since he had decided for himself that he was the oldest out of the four of them. Raphael would sometimes call him Splinter Jr. because that was what he had decided to become. When they finally lost their Father, their Sensei, their Master it was going to be up to Leo to try and step in and fill that gap in their lives. It was hard to think of him as such but Leo was definitely in the role to take over the clan when their Master passed on. It was going to be wrong but, Don knew that out of the four of them, Leonardo would be the best to take over as the head of the family.

Leo turned back to him with a sad but knowing look on his face. While his older brother didn't have as high an IQ that he did, Leo had his own genius that sometimes put Don's intelligence to shame. He doubted that his older brother truly understood what he was thinking but the knowing look helped enough for his throat to become unglued and he could speak again. "Leo… it's not going to get any easier than this is it?"

He didn't have to explain himself anymore for his brother to know what he was talking about. "Unlikey. It's only going to get worse." He agreed in all seriousness.

"It's going to be a nightmare," Don said mostly to himself as memories of a broken family and an apocalyptic future came to the forefront of his mind.

"Then enjoy the dream that it is until then," Leo said calmly, acting more like their Father would have if their position had been reversed. Don sighed and lowered his toast completely as he rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. He knew it hadn't been intentionally but Leo acting like their Father would have at that very moment hurt more than any injury he had ever had.

An arm wrapped around his shoulders and he was pulled into a half hug by his older brother. He sunk into the comforting hold feeling for just a moment like he was safe from everything. He was even safe from his fears and the horrors still locked in his mind. His older brother was here and Leonardo would do anything and everything to keep them safe and happy.

"Don't think about the future," his older brother whispered in his ear. "Don't dwell on the past. Live in the moment, Don. Enjoy the dream for what it is. And when it's gone, hold onto that dream and enjoy all the memories that it gave and the lessons it taught so you don't ever forget him as he is."

Don managed to nod his head as tears started to well up in his eyes. He still wasn't fully awake yet but he knew Leo was right. He would go crazy with worry and sick with fear on all the possibilities of what could happen when their Father finally passed. Right now he had time to enjoy being with him and not dwelling on all the possible outcomes. He pressed his forehead to Leonardo's shoulder as a few tears slipped down his cheeks.

A high pitched shriek echoed from Raphael's room but it was not like any of Mikey's typical girly screams when he knew he was in trouble or danger. The noise was enough to break the comforting moment and the two more mature brothers stepped apart as Mikey suddenly landed from jumping off the balcony and speeding away towards the half pipe without so much as glancing in their direction. The loud thump of Raph landing followed and both Don and Leo saw a dripping wet, red banded turtle all but breathing fire chase after Mikey with a bucket swinging wildly from one hand.

"WHEN I CATCH YOU YOU'RE GOING TO EAT THIS!"

Leo sighed and handed Donatello the other piece of wheat toast before turning his shell on their youngest brother's plight. The purple banded turtle looked at the two piece of toast he now held and shoved the half eaten one into his mouth whole as he watching his younger brother cartwheel along the back of the couch. Raph was taking the more direct root and just running after him.

"I see Raphael and Michelangelo have decided to start training early this morning." Donatello started slightly before turning to look at his Father. He hadn't even heard him come into the kitchen let alone saw him cross the living room floor. Without meaning too, Donatello looked over his Father as if he was a physician, noting the arthritic knees, still slight raggedy breaths and how he was leaning part of his weight onto his cane. "Leonardo, is there a reason for all this ruckus so early in the morning?"

"I told him when I saw him going upstairs with a bucket of ice water that he was an idiot and I wasn't going to stop Raph from killing him this time." Leo responded calmly as he went about buttering toast for himself.

However, as the calm brown eyes turned towards him, Don was reminded of all the times that the loving gaze of his father fell on him. Of all the times his father praised him and thanked him for a new device for the household even if he wasn't sure how it went together. Even when those eyes had a sharp edge to them when he was reprimand for going to the surface on his own or for ignoring Master Splinter's instructions and spraining his ankle in practice. Even when Master Splinter was gone, Donatello now knew that this was how he wanted to remember him.

"Donatello, are you alright?" Master Splinter asked him in concern. The calm brown eyes took on a slightly harden look the helped to echo his worried tone.

Donatello hastily swallowed the toast in his mouth as if it metaphorically wiped away his previous fears. "Yes, Sensei," he said as he turned towards the coffee pot and ignored the yelps and small crash coming from upstairs in Mikey's room. "Leo was just telling me how to hold onto dreams," he caught a smile on his older brother's face as he turned towards the table with a plate of toast in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other. "And how to banish nightmares."

_~Fin~_


End file.
